Plastic Porkbone

The End of All Things

I regret to inform you that this country is filled with a bunch of heartless bastards.  If you remember, over a year ago I created a post called Trendy Awareness, which accused everyone of pretending to support things by putting magnets on their cars, or by wearing plastic bracelets.  This caused quite a ruckus, and people explained that no, it wasn't just a trend, this is how we are showing our support for things.

What I'm referring to are such things as yellow magnetic ribbons and little latex bracelets (the trend begun by Lance Armstrong), claiming support for every cause under the sun.  15 months later, here is my rebuttle.

APPARENTLY NOBODY CARES ANYMORE.  Yes, news flash... spend any time on the freeway these days and you will realize we have a serious problem here in this country.  Put simply, people have become heartless bastards.  The number of "Support our Troops" ribbons sighted on automobiles is at a record low, as are "Support your local Firefighter", "Diabetes Awareness" and "Autism Awareness" magnets.  In fact, in an unscientific survey conducted by me, yesterday, I counted only one person in my 3 hours of freeway driving who still cares about the troops. 

Worse yet, apparently most people have stopped caring about cancer as well.  A year ago I knew at least 10 people who regularly showed support for cancer research by wearing "LiveSTRONG" bracelets.  Sadly, I have seen ZERO LiveSTRONG bracelets in the past several months.  Apparently people are no longer concerned about finding a cure!

This is a horrible trend in this country!  People no longer support finding cures for terrible diseases, and they don't care about our troops overseas! 

That is... unless I was right all along... that these magnets and bracelets (made in China) were simply a FAD, expolited by all the companies and retailers involved in the distribution chain to make huge sums of MONEY.  In the end, you know I'm right... and you knew I was right 15 months ago. 

Just like I was right about the Atkins diet, you fat, carbohydrate eating bastards!

Politics and Weather, part III

Why do politics and weather always go together?  Why, whenever I think about the weather in the midwest, with all it's dreary crappiness, do I find myself thinking about politicians? 

Anyway it seems like winter is finally coming to the Midwest.  The high temperature on Friday is supposed to be zero (that's Fahrenheit, for you Canadians.  And wait, in Canada, would it be "zed"?).

Also in an unrelated story Dick Cheney shot some old guy in the face with a shotgun.  Rocket Scientists and Brain Surgeons agree: alcohol was most probably involved. 

I hope he goes to jail.  But wait, they were in Texas.  Nevermind, shooting other people is just part of the fun in hunting down there. 

Don't Blame the Weatherman

First, a couple more political observations:

1. I heard on the news the other day that one of the reasons John Kerry is suggesting a fillibuster of the Alito nomination is because he might attempt to run for president again in 2008.  Just for the record, if John Kerry gets the nomination in 2008 I will become a Republican just on general principle.  Why can't the Democrats do anything right?

2. Also George W. Bu$h is criticizing Democrats again, saying that they should allow an "up or down vote" for Alito.  I have said it elsewhere, but if I hear the phrase "up or down vote" one more time I am going to vomit.  I am officially allergic to talking points.  By the way, whatever happened to the "up or down vote" for Harriet Myers?

In unrelated news:

It's like forty degrees and raining here.  For those of you reading that sentence and saying, "so what?" remember that I live in northwestern Wisconsin and it's supposed to be below zero outside!  Yesterday it was actually 50 degrees here - the normal high temperature this time of year is 25.  My wife thinks the world is coming to an end, and she may be right.  Warmest winter EVER in Minnesota, by the way, ever - like in over 150 years.  Global warming, anyone?

And another weather related pet peeve:

I absolutely can't stand it when you're watching the evening news, and the WEATHERMEN GET BLAMED FOR THE BAD WEATHER.  You know, the "real" anchors ask the weather guy, "Hey Steve, when are we going to get some more of that sunshine?" or "Hey, I was going to go camping this weekend, Bob, what happened?"

If I was a weather-person I'd be pissed as hell when my stupid co-anchors did that to me.  I'd be like, "OK asshole, that joke is about 30 years old.  I don't make the fucking weather, I just stand in front of a screen and point at it!"

Idiots.

P.S. the guy in the picture above is Steve Pool.  He's a weatherman in Seattle.  Guess I should have used a picture like this instead:

Rant on Politics

The other day someone asked me if I have been on vacation or something.  The truth is ever since the beginning of the Samuel Alito confirmation hearings I have been in a daze, hoping that at any moment I would awake from the insanity and come back to the real world.  You know, the real world where psychos don't run our government.  Oh wait, it hasn't been a dream after all!

It has been a long time since my last political post, because in general things haven't been pissing me off too much lately.  The pre$ident has had a very low approval rating, Jack Abramoff pleaded guilty and is likely to point the finger at lots of corrupt Republicans, and the American public is finally starting to realize that the Iraq war wasn't the best idea after all. 

By the way, If you want to know what really makes me mad about this stupid war, check this out: costofwar.com

Anyway back to this Alito thing.  Really, the entire supreme court confirmation hearing process is a sham.  If you haven't been watching or listening, here's how it works: They have this big hearing where Democrats ask questions, and Republicans throw softballs and apologize to the nominee about the Democrats' questions.  Meanwhile the nominee doesn't actually answer any questions at all.

Here's the nasty part.  Some Republicans are actually unhappy about some of Alito's views - on abortion, for example.  Those moderate Republicans are worried that if Alito admits that he wants to overturn Roe V. Wade, they can't vote for his confirmation or they risk losing the support of their constituents.  So the balancing act goes like this: as long as Alito does not admit that he will overturn Roe V. Wade, they can still vote for him without having to face the music from the voters.  The bottom line is that Alito needed to make it through the charade hearings without saying anything too specific. 

Unfortunately for anyone in this country that likes things like freedom, or doesn't like the idea of having a KING, Alito made it across the high wire without falling.  This means that in a few years time, should you need an abortion, you will have to find a state where it is still legal.  And if you don't like what the president is doing, that's too bad.  Just be careful what you say and don't get caught by the Thought Police.

I am so completely fed up with all of this bullshit.

Making Fun of the President

Apparently this week all I am capable of doing is posting links.  Here's a hint about this one: it's not really the White House website.  If you know what the Onion is, you know who is behind this site.

My current favorite weekly radio address is December 3rd, "A plan for victory"

http://www.weeklyradioaddress.com/

The Moment We Have Feared

Here's why I hate politics in this country.  The president nominates someone for the supreme court who he presumably hopes will have bipartisan support, and he gets lynched by his own party.  So his original nominee "withdraws" her nomination, and she is replaced by an extreme conservative.  Oh yeah, white male.

Essentially, Bu$h has such a low approval rating now that all he can do is please his "base" by giving them the right-wing wacko they all wanted.  Despite all the hypocrisy and nonsense about wanting judges that don't "legislate from the bench" - we all know that an Alito confirmation would move the Supreme Court dramatically to the right.

What concerns me is that many people in this country don't understand what this means, or don't even know what is going on.  To any moderate, centrist, or Democrat who voted for Bush (or didn't vote) in the last election, this is what we tried to warn you about.  When we said there would be one, two, possibly three Supreme Court vacancies in this next term, this is what we were alluding to.

To anyone who has any concern about civil rights, womens' rights, separation of church and state, the right to privacy, the right for a woman to choose, or any number of other social issues, this is the moment we have all feared the most.  This is the moment the conservative movement has been waiting for; all roads lead to this. 

If you ever, ever write a letter to your state representatives in congress, now's the time. 

DeLay

Oh by the way, I posted a while back about Tom DeLay and how he was giving me a bad name.  Well now it's worse.  I wish this guy would just go away.  Well, first get convicted, get sent to jail, and then go away.

Be Very Afraid

Strange, yesterday I added the Sesame Street terror alert level indicator to this blog and today the terror alert level changed.  Yes, today was another fucked up day where some idiots decided to kill innocent people for no reason.  In this case, it took place in London. 

I actually feel really bad for the U.K.  They are a target primarily because of their close relationship with the United States, right?  But on the other hand, English citizens overwhelmingly oppose the Iraq war and don't approve of Tony Blair.  So when terrorists attack the U.K., it seems especially unfair to the people who live there.  What happened in London today is terrible, and I feel very sorry for everyone who has to endure rediculous shit like that.
________________

Anyway (you knew it was coming), I am continually annoyed and insulted by the "terror alert level" system here in the states.  As Michael Moore once said, it will never be green, and it has not yet dipped below yellow.  I have seen few systems more clearly engineered to strike fear into the hearts and minds of a nation's citizens than our own terror alert system.

For example, on my way home from work today, I heard the following phrase at least ten times: "increased vigilance."  Just for fun, here is what vigilance means:

1) alert watchfulness
2) the act of carefully watching
3) the condition of being alert

Sure, I agree that we should all be alert.  This is generally good advice if you are, say, operating a motor vehicle!  Or standing near train tracks, or on a subway platform!  Or waiting at a bus stop by the side of the road!  But what they mean here is not "be alert" but "be on the watch for suspicious activity." 

And that, my friends, is what causes a bag full of gym socks to be investigated by the bomb squad.  Which is the type of thing that drives everyone into full panic mode.  And panic mode, by the way, is the perfect state of mind for your people to be in when you are at war.  Because it is through the cunning use of fear and panic that you can get support for anything.  Like bombing other countries. 

Well played, Department of Homeland Security.  Well played.

Bush Bike Crash

HAHA!!

George Dubya Bu$h crashed his bike.  Guess he should have kept on the training wheels.  Nice road rash, ass!

Under Attack

Maybe it's just my cynical, anti-war self...

...but have you ever noticed that when you're inside during a fireworks show, it sounds like your neighborhood is under attack?  It seems quite ironic that our country's celebration of our own freedom sounds strikingly similar to the destruction we create in other countries. 

Bombs away!