Plastic Porkbone

You know, that update you've been waiting two months for

A few thoughts.

Thought #1:
Every Friday our garbage can is emptied.  This Friday afternoon, I noticed it was mostly empty, but it had a small baggie in it.  Someone, who had presumably been walking their dog, had scooped their dog poop and tossed their dog poop baggie in our trash can.  I don't know why, but this irritated me.  That's MY trashcan.  Who gave you (unnamed dog walker) the authorization to put your dog excrement in my trash can?  Lets agree to keep our trash separate, please.

Thought #2:
Our house makes very unusual sounds when it's cold and windy.  Currently it is 5 degrees below zero, the wind is blowing like crazy, and the wind chill is around -30.  I can't explain what the house sounds like, but if I didn't know better I would tell you that there is a blind person upstairs walking in his sleep, bumping into shit and dropping stuff.  Oh, and he has a pet robot who makes funny vibrating sounds.

Thought #3:
My daughter has become exactly as goofy as I expected she would be.  She says and does very unusual things, which is to be expected when you consider who her parents are.  She dances to the sound of the coffee grinder, purposely mispronounces words in order to make you laugh, and displays obsessive-compulsive personality traits such as excessive arranging and toy washing.  She also:

1) has a toy dog who for some unknown reason says "Whassup" to the other toys (to which the only logical response is "whassup, dog?")
2) uses the word "capable" in a sentence
3) does several "voices" for her toys, including a mean Eyeore impression and a very unusual voice that sounds like Cartman from South Park.
4) counts to 39 and can write her name

So anyway, she is on pace to be made fun of in school, and also be one of the smartest kids in class.  Gee, why does that sound familiar?

Thought #4
Barack Obama is the man.  Yes, I would vote for Hillary if she were the nominee, but as far as I'm concerned Barack Obama is the clear choice for democrats.  The reason I say this is because I know so many republicans who already HATE Hillary Clinton.  If there is one thing that will make Republicans rise up and unite, it would be to beat Hillary.  So if you are a democrat, and you really want to win in November, support Obama!

Back to School, again

Alternate title: "Lifetime Student?"

When I was a kid, I had a button that said "No Condo, No MBA, No BMW."  I don't know if it was originally my parents' button, or if I had picked it out myself.  I can assure you that I didn't really know what it meant, only that most adults who saw the button reacted positively.  Suffice it to say, most of the adults I came into contact with were not yuppies, the group the joke was obviously poking fun at.

Well, here we are 20 years later, and I'm one step closer to becoming "the guy" the button was making fun of.  Next week I return to school for the third time in seven years... this time I am enrolled in the Master of Business Administration in Technology Management program, again at the University of Phoenix online.  Yes, that's an MBA program.

In two years, after I earn the MBA, I guess I'll buy that BMW.  But I'll pass on the condo, I prefer my single family home, thank you.

The Place Blogs Go To Die

I remember reading somewhere that 142% of all blogs end up going stale, shriveling up, and dying eventually.  This despite the fact that everyone and their brother feels like they have enough worthwhile shit to say to start a blog.  I guess you could say this turns me into a statistic; I, like most people, started a blog and failed to keep it up to date.

It's not that things stopped happening in my life, it's just that I no longer found the time to write about it.  To a great extent, most of the exciting things in my life have been posted on my wife's blog.  Other stuff has been happening though, I guess... I finished school  again (temporarily) by earning my BS from University of Phoenix.  I continue to work full time as an IT manager, and I continue to race my car in parking lots on the weekends:

I realized today that my daughter now speaks like a caveman.  Except, a caveman that says funny things like "Ali put fishbowl on head!"  This is highly entertaining.  To make matters more interesting, we (my wife, actually) are pregnant again, which is a joyous thing.  After the second child is born, I'm sure I will have even more time to write.  Oh wait, reverse that.

In closing, this may be the revival of my dying blog, or it could be the last post for another year.  Either way, if you really want to know what's happening in my life, with any expectation of regular updates, once again I will direct you to my wife's blog.  Really, go there. 

Weather Post of Doom

Hello, forest.

This post is dedicated to everyone who thinks Minnesota and Wisconsin are always covered in snow.  These people should really take a few days and come visit the lovely Midwest.  And these people would be doing themselves a favor if they brought a pair of shorts.  Actually, forget that.  If you're visiting the Midwest any time soon, just book a hotel room with a good air conditioner and never leave it.  Because here's the weather report for this week:

This brings me to a new weather-related pet peeve of mine.  People who mock the saying, "It's a dry heat."  Let me tell you something:  I've spent time in Phoenix, and the central valley in California.  I've been in 120-degree heat, and I've sat in cars with no air conditioning, and hot, dark blue vinyl seats in 115 degrees.  It's hot as shit, yes.  But it's a dry heat.

Now here's where the people, (the people I hate) will laugh.  They will laugh and say, "Ho ho, a dry heat!  Har Har!"  And to this I say yes, asshole.  Dry.  Because there's a huge difference between 115 degrees and no humidity, and 98 degrees and 80% humidity... mainly the fact that in a "dry heat" you feel very "hot" - but in a "soggy heat" you feel like you want to "die."

The other morning I was quite disoriented.  I walked out of the house, I suppose at about 5:45am, and it was over 80 degrees.  The dewpoint was about 75, which meant that when I walked out the door it felt as if someone was squeezing a wet washtowel in my face.  It was gross.  I scrambled to my car and turned on the air conditioning, and thought to myself how unnatural it seemed to be this hot and wet in the early morning.

THERE IS A REASON I DON'T LIVE IN FLORIDA!  (and it's not the 'gators)

Anyway, as I write this, it's 11:00pm and 90 degrees outside.  My yard is turning into a jungle, except for my front lawn which is dead.  Perhaps the most amazing thing is that in five months, it may be 20 degrees below zero outside, and my jungle plants will be frozen solid.  Wow, you've got to love the Midwest.

The Evergreen State

We have arrived in Seattle.  Our plane was delayed, which seems to be fairly common these days when you fly Sun Country airlines.  As a result we didn't leave the ground until about 7:30pm Central Time ... and arrived in Seattle around 9:00pm Pacific time.  By the time we got our luggage and made it out to the car, it was about 10:00pm.  Add to that the 2-hour travel time from the airport to Irene's parents' house, and it was midnight before we got here.  That's 2:00am central time.

So needless to say it was a long night.  Anyway, we will have pictures and stuff (baby on the plane photos) shortly.  Probably on the baby blog.

My Least Favorite Day

First, let me say that I think daylight savings time sucks.  It's a stupid throwback from a time when people wanted to avoid burning too many candles.  I wish we would just do away with the thing and leave our clocks the same all the time. 

Anyway, since we have no choice but to live with the retarded-ness that is daylight savings time, all I can do is complain.  And every year about this time, that is what I do.  Actually, in the fall I really enjoy the time change.  See, it's "Fall BACK", which means you get an extra hour of sleep.  I'm all about that - because I'm a sleep-o-holic - and therefore I have declared "Fall Back" my favorite day of the year.  "Spring Forward" however, can kiss my tired ass.

The thing is, this year I realized something.  My love/hate relationship with fall back/spring forward is completely artificial.  I learned this because the baby does not know what the clocks say - she sleeps the same no matter what.  And that's just it: this year I haven't been getting shit for sleep anyway.  What's one less hour?

Old Crazy People

Is it just me, or is it getting much harder to tell the difference between the tech-savvy and the completely insane?  Case in point: the other day I was in the grocery store and I saw this guy walking down the aisle pushing a shopping cart.  He was talking, but nobody was with him.  Upon closer inspection the guy had a cell phone with a wireless earpiece in his ear, so he was actually talking on the phone.  Well done.

Today I was in Home Depot and I saw another guy talking on the phone as he walked through the store.  Oh wait a minute... that guy was just fucking crazy, talking aloud to himself.  Nevermind!

I hope when I'm old and crazy, people will think I'm talking on the phone too.

Iowa

I just spent the last 48 hours in Iowa.  So all the intelligence has been sucked out of my brain and I have nothing to say.  Must wait a couple days to get brain back.  Must search internet for farm and agriculture-related topics now, bye.

P.S. I have been told that IOWA is an acronym, which stands for the following:
Idiots
Out
Wanderin'
Around

Poo Resolution

First, I was having a hard time deciding.  Should I call Roto Rooter, or Mr. Rooter?  It's a tough call, especially since there's no Dr. Rooter.  Clearly you want to go with the highest level of education when choosing Rooters.  Actually I think Dr. Rooter is a generic version of Dr. Pepper somewhere.

Anyway long story short, $230 dollars later we don't have toilet water in our basement anymore.  There was "debris" in our main sewer line, but probably not roots.  Anyway, add this to the "joys of homeownership" category.  That and the 14" of snow in my driveway today, and paying the neighbor kid to use his snowblower to clear it. 

Joy!

Toilet Water

Today it was not raining, in fact it was sunny and about 50 degrees here.  Pretty nice for March in the upper midwest.  So why was there water in our basement?

Think carefully.

It involves a floor drain, and a sizeable lake that smells sort of like poo. 

Luckily the lake has since drained, but quite a few boxes (coincidentally containing things which I refer to as "crap") got pretty wet on the bottom.  We are new homeowners, so we don't really know anything about this kind of stuff... but I know enough to suspect it's the sewer backing up into our basement.  Needless to say we will be calling the city tomorrow.

_____________________

Update 3/10/06

The city checked it out, and it's not the main sewer line.  That means it's the lateral sewer line beneath our house, and it's our responsibility.  So for now we're conserving water, big time, and plan on calling some sewer people tomorrow.