Weather Post of Doom

Hello, forest.

This post is dedicated to everyone who thinks Minnesota and Wisconsin are always covered in snow.  These people should really take a few days and come visit the lovely Midwest.  And these people would be doing themselves a favor if they brought a pair of shorts.  Actually, forget that.  If you're visiting the Midwest any time soon, just book a hotel room with a good air conditioner and never leave it.  Because here's the weather report for this week:

This brings me to a new weather-related pet peeve of mine.  People who mock the saying, "It's a dry heat."  Let me tell you something:  I've spent time in Phoenix, and the central valley in California.  I've been in 120-degree heat, and I've sat in cars with no air conditioning, and hot, dark blue vinyl seats in 115 degrees.  It's hot as shit, yes.  But it's a dry heat.

Now here's where the people, (the people I hate) will laugh.  They will laugh and say, "Ho ho, a dry heat!  Har Har!"  And to this I say yes, asshole.  Dry.  Because there's a huge difference between 115 degrees and no humidity, and 98 degrees and 80% humidity... mainly the fact that in a "dry heat" you feel very "hot" - but in a "soggy heat" you feel like you want to "die."

The other morning I was quite disoriented.  I walked out of the house, I suppose at about 5:45am, and it was over 80 degrees.  The dewpoint was about 75, which meant that when I walked out the door it felt as if someone was squeezing a wet washtowel in my face.  It was gross.  I scrambled to my car and turned on the air conditioning, and thought to myself how unnatural it seemed to be this hot and wet in the early morning.

THERE IS A REASON I DON'T LIVE IN FLORIDA!  (and it's not the 'gators)

Anyway, as I write this, it's 11:00pm and 90 degrees outside.  My yard is turning into a jungle, except for my front lawn which is dead.  Perhaps the most amazing thing is that in five months, it may be 20 degrees below zero outside, and my jungle plants will be frozen solid.  Wow, you've got to love the Midwest.

Comments

[Mom]

I've heard about that hot and humid weather and I'm scared of it. You won't see me visiting in the summer anytime soon! But I do like the snow! As you know! Never get tired of watching it fall.

[Carla]

That's why my favorite time of year in the midwest is September and October. Yes, occasional snow in October, but mostly 60's and 70's with NO humidity. Hurry, get that basement converted into a nice living area for such weather and tornado warnings too!